Truth

This is from my Tumblr imaraiiii.tumblr.com I just felt that it was so relevant

 

I can honestly say for once in my life I am not looking, wanting, seeking to be with someone or date. I am content with myself not content with being lonely, but content with being with myself. Finding out new things about myself that I didn’t really know about. Getting more important things in my life in order more importantly getting myself in order. I truly believe that you can’t be happy with someone else unless you are truly and utterly happy with yourself and I mean in every literal aspect of your life.

I like this feeling this sense of knowing that I am not worrying about someone else’s feelings wondering why isn’t he texting,calling,skyping, me etc. Does he really like me like he says he does am I doing too much? All of those many questions that we as women ask ourselves when we are experiencing “feelings” for someone. 

This is by choice I could be in a relationship if I wanted and on that note everyone could be in a relationship if they wanted to it may not be with the person of your choice but it would be one. And that is what I am talking about I refuse to be in a relationship just to be with someone or just to settle for that fact. I believe  know that I deserve the best and that is exactly what I am going to get, but before I receive the best I have to become the best. You should never ask of something from someone that you yourself can’t offer. Like I said I am slowly learning these things and I love it. 

Being single has it’s plus sides and down sides but that is just a part of life that we have to deal with. I know that God has someone wonderful out there for me, my other half, the one that completes me. And in the meantime until God sees me fit to be with him or he sees fit for us to be together I will continue to wait for him, because I know that God has someone out there for all of us, because we are all connected to someone out there we just haven’t come across them yet or maybe we have. Patience is a virtue and my gosh it is the best thing that you can have, but sometimes waiting doesn’t get you everything you have to do somethings on your own. I am doing things on my own by putting myself out there and by having faith in knowing that it all comes in  due time for those who believes in God’s will. 

To those who have found their match you are amazingly blessed, because that has to be the most wonderful feeling of all to have found the one that completes you, your other half, and to sound so cliche your soul mate. To those who don’t think their other half is out there boy are you mistaken, because they are out there waiting for you like your waiting them just keep looking don’t give up.

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The Point where you decide your whole life in a matter of minutes

Hm it feels like I’ve made a lot of decisions and life changing thoughts in a matter of minutes in one day. Let’s consider this and think about it I am about to graduate in less than 8 months; 210 days and so many hours minutes I can’t even continue to count lol but it’s an amazing yet scary feeling that I have right now like I am so ready to start my life and see what life has to offer me yet I am so scared that I am going to fail and not accomplish anything that I want too hm so many thoughts that run through this little old mind of mine. So I can honestly say that I haven’t been that focused on school this semester like I should have been and I need to do so much better well now that I have 3 wks left I am saying that, but my mind just hasn’t been in school this semester I am just ready to be done so I can start my summer semester and then Fall and be done and then hopefully go on to Grad school I just want things to work out for me. Sometimes I wish that life had a fast forward button just so I can see where I am at in my life and if I accomplished everything that I wanted out of my life. I am 21 almost 22 in June, but yet I don’t even feel like I am in my early twenties and that I am almost done with school sometimes I still feel like that 16 year old girl who is a Junior in high school and everything is so brand new to me. The only thing that feels different to me is that I can now buy alcohol legally lmao. I feel like I have grown up so rapidly like right before my own eyes and I just can’t believe it 4 years ago I was a senior in High School and all I knew is that I wanted to go to college and be successful weird thing is that’s all I want to do this day is to be successful and well you know to be happy with my life and everything that I accomplished. Hm it’s way easier said than done, but I know with my Faith in God that I can accomplish it all. Now I understand by what they say when people say life is all about what you make it and when you get to college those are your formative years where you make your life what you make it where you really decide your destiny I mean so is High School especially if you where kind of wild lmao. But I wasn’t so for me my formative years started when I was about 16 when I decided that was the year that I wanted to make grown up decisions and do grown up things lol. Seems like after that year I was making my own fate; destiny; my own decisions everything. You have to and want to enjoy your teenage years as much as you possibly can, because when you are 40 with kids you don’t want to look back and be like ” damn my kids are doing way more than I ever did I don’t remember life ever being that fun for me when I was a teenager” I feel like at the age of 21 I can honestly say that I have lived my life. I have loved; had heartbreak; done crazy and wreck less things; had good friendships; shitty ones; fights with my parents all of it. I mean and you know what I wouldn’t mind doing it all over again hmph and maybe changing somethings along the way, but while I was doing all of this I had a blast.

That’s when I start to think about my life now at this very moment and how like wow you can really decide and change your life in a matter of minutes with simple words. I mean it’s time for me to buckle down more and become even more focused and determined and do something meaningful with my life. It’s time to start making some amazing decisions in my life since I will be stuck with these choices for the rest of my life. Today starts and marks the rest of my life. 

- I

Facing the harsh reality

It’s sad when you can find all of the reasons why you stopped caring for and liking someone who was once the center of your world. Sad but true this is happening to me right now and once you start to see the reasons why you don’t like that person anymore it makes it that much more hard to deal with them let alone talk to them. Like now I am at the point where I just can’t stand him everything he does pisses me off. I guess it’s because I am gone and he hasn’t even really noticed or taken time out to really care that I am gone so that there is just a sign within itself that he never really cared about me like I thought he did I should have known when everything was an excuse after excuse. So yes this time I am for real done with that chapter in my life there was no point in me continuing on with that destructive relationship with someone who was just so focused on self. If you want to just focus on yourself don’t get involved with someone else it is just as simple as that. I am done talking about this because it pisses me off more and more.

Taking a step back

Over these past couple of days ; weeks etc I have been taking a step back and evaluating myself, I didn’t realize there was so much that I didn’t like about myself so many things that I desperately needed to work on in order for me to truly be happy in love with myself. I have kind of come to the conclusion that it is very true I mean you get what you put out there and how am I ever going to expect someone to want to be with me and truly love me for me if I don’t even love me for me? So I am going to go on a diet and I am for real this time I am going to work out change everything, because not only do I want to better myself, but I want to better my health. I am so tired of saying I hate the way I look I wish I was this I wish I was that, If you don’t like something change it, because it is never too late and I am learning this everyday. I am more comfortable with being by myself I’m starting to realize that just because I am single doesn’t mean that I am lonely nor miserable I have to learn to accept myself before anyone else can. So now I am just taking more time for myself and family more importantly I am trying to get closer to God so I can have a better understanding of everything and my whole purpose of life. I’m just taking a step back and taking it day by day.

living; learning; loving; accepting

There is so much about myself that I want to change that I want to work on. I want to better myself become the better person that I know God wants me to be it’s going to be a long journey, but this is something that I have to within myself to feel better about my life so I can live a better life; learn to appreciate more; love myself more ; and accept certain situations in my life and learn to love it all and embrace it all with stride.

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